i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
