Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
