If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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