new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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