i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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