HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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