after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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