someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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