The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
