Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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