Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
