Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I wear drunk well.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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