We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My vagina is officially offended.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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