dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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