Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
