I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
