Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
