it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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