my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
