I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
