You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
should my penis look like a turkey
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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