dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
