The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
