Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So here I am, sexting at work.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
