I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
