How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
