And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
