He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
