Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
