my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
