Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
