so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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