lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
