took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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