I CAN MOONWALK!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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