It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i think i have two assholes
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
