i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
