that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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