I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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