Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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