I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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