My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
