I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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