Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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