I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
