when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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