I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
