I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
