Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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