Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
