I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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