I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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